There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
