you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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