he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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