My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
