I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
