also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
