The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
