My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
