You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
