Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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