It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
