The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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