i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
