yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
