I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
