you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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