at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize