if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
