Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
