her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
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Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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