are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?