i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Everclear isn't food dammit