SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.