Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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