it wasn't lemon gatorade
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.