I want to have your abortion
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"