and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We just shotgunned beers for America
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
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Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.