I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
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I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.