I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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