He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
