True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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