He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
