It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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