He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
