North Korea, Best Korea!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
