and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Can Purell be used as lube?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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