All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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