Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She's like a pop up book from hell.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
