How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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