I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
