Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
