Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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