So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
