Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
