Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
