The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
