I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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