I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
