"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
