i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize