awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
