you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
