hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
