two words: eviction party
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
