got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
