I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
