R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
