piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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