This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
