Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
