That's intense
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
