1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
