Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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