Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
