Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
