Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Shame - the story of my life.
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