There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
