My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The Olympian is in my bed
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