You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
