Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize