The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
